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Free Funny Quotes Biography
Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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12h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
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14h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
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16h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
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19h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Death is hereditary.
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21h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
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22h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
My life has been a "rags to slightly better rags" story. RT @IGotsSmarts
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23h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
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26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
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26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
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26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
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26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
A bathroom tile salesman's pitch should be "This tile will look great in the background of your facebook pics" R..
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26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
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25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
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25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
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25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
I dont trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesnt die.
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25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
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25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
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Free Funny Quotes Biography
Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
12h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
14h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
16h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
19h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Death is hereditary.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
21h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
22h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
My life has been a "rags to slightly better rags" story. RT @IGotsSmarts
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
23h Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
A bathroom tile salesman's pitch should be "This tile will look great in the background of your facebook pics" R..
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
26 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
I dont trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesnt die.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
25 Aug Free Funny Quotes @FreeFunnyQuotes
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Expand
Reply Retweet Favorite
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